i wish i got moonfrost last night.
that may be one of the most beautiful thoughts i ever had. moonfrost
i bet it smells like lavender
and tastes like watered down smoothies.
it would be fantastic. why can't my imagination be real?

the cup is half full and still half empty, he said, quit with the cliches let's just fuck.
my stomach feels like it's being vacuumed, a giant tube squirming down my throat to suck every last bit from my intestines.
i wish everything was easy like this. i wish i could find the right words by jamming a toothbrush in my throat until they reveal themselves, along with whatever shit i ate for breakfast.
but it's not easy like that. when i can't find the words i keep silent, or change the subject, or keep my lips busy with a cigarette.
call it the throw up button. it could be a word or a photo or a song lyrics that makes my stomach cringe and beg for the relief of my index finger.
but it's not real.
i swear it's all a lie. don't trust my words
quit with the cliches, let's just fuck.

tonight. i do
i would call you if i knew what time i was supposed to because i don't like calling home phones, i get really scared that it's the wrong number, or parents don't like me, or this person doesn't like me, or something like that.
kiss wears their make up funny i think. it makes
me wonder what their real faces are like. gene simmon's tongue is
deadly.
he's had sex with like 3000 women. that's amazing. he wins the std game. for sho

tonight was fantastic.
i want to say something but i can't say it so i won't. but it's good. so it's good.
i'm gonna write a story someday and be rich like jk rowling.
I wish i could do something really fantastic and have a movie made about my life. that would be my dream.
then i would feel accomplished. for realss
so maybe things will be good. maybe
except tuesday it
stops.
but it'll start again.

silly.
I don't know what mind is thinking when I talk to you
something
and then not. then yes. then not. and yes
I wish and wish and wish and get and love and lose
and I don't ever
really. that's a lie
i wish and wish and wish and imagine and lose.
it always go to you when it's supposed to be for me
don't hate me. don't don't dont. I love you to fucking death
but sometimes I'm not sure if I trust you
when you're intoxicated. if you are spiteful, I will burn
for the smallest things. and it hurts to know that this isn't real. if it was, it wouldn't have started so late
you're a fucking asshole. and i hate everything about me

I don't write in here enough. but I will
I can.
So I guess things can go wrong. but that just makes things more interesting
I'd rather feel like dying than feel nothing at all.

I suppose.
but I don't have anything to say.
holy fucking shit tomorrow is 4.20 already. hot damn
i poked smot today

and that is a beautiful thing.
it's going well
i am fucking invincible
and nothing can go wrong.
and they won't. I won't allow it

I don't know what fucking day it is
holy
shit
help
me

life is going too quickly.
I'm deathly afraid to wake up one day and be 30. this can't go so fast, I'm not ready for it to end.
I'm ready for summer. so fucking ready for summer
fun times and crazy nights are calling for me.
I want to be intoxicated from day one until the end.
and that is honesty.
so fuck you're "speak the truth." if I spoke words any more true, I'd be spewing knives from my tongue
and I'm not sure why that makes sense but it does
I
swear

and I'm scaredscaredscared to breathe
because I don't think they will inflate anymore.
I feel so drained in the pit of my stomach, I can't even think about it anymore. I don't know what's wrong
it's only Monday it's only fucking Monday.
and I'm ready to fucking die. rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i don't know what to say here
because i don't know if anyone will read it. I think I'm gonna vomit.
I'm failing my classes and I loves it.